This is why no one will ever take you seriously, you loser. You’re a loser. You’re failing at life. People are dismissing your worth as a person, you understand?

When you speak to them, they aren’t listening. When they look at you, they’re looking past you. You mean nothing to them. Nothing. Nothing! Wait, what is that? Did you just put on a wig? Take that off! Give me that poodle mug! What’s in here? This is eggnog mixed with chocolate syrup! Don’t do it. You better not. Don’t put on those sunglasses. Goddammit, Kanye West shutter shades are not dignified!